Why Christmas Is Not Bakura's Thing
by Shantih
Summary: OneShot. Ryou loves Christmas, and doesn't want to go to Yugi's party alone. But he's having trouble dragging Bakura along with him. What's the REAL reason he doesn't want to go? RyouxBakura, tendershipping sort of. Read & Review!


Hi there! *waves* I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters. This is just a oneshot, hope you like it!

RYOU'S POV.

"Hey, Bakura?" I called out, walking into the living room of my apartment. I'd been searching for my Yami all over.

"Mmph. What is it?" He looked up from the armchair where he was comfortably curled up with a book and a glass of wine.

"It's time to go!" I said impatiently, although it was really my own fault we were running late. Yugi's party had started at seven, but it was now probably closer to eight. I'd heard of being 'fashionably late' but I suspected I'd already missed that timeframe. Well, it's not my fault my hair takes so long to get perfect.

"Time to go where?"

"Yugi's Christmas party. I told you it was coming up probably fifteen times over the past week."

"Oh, yes, that's right. Well, have fun," he said dismissively, returning to his book.

I stood and stared at him for a moment, indignant. "But I thought you were coming with me."

"I never said that. You said that." He took a sip of wine and raised his eyebrows at me infuriatingly.

I tried another tactic. "Oh come on," I whined adorably, settling at his feet. "You wouldn't make me go alone, would you?" I gave him my best puppy-dog eyes. They worked 99.9% of the time on him.

…Apparently, this was the other .1%. He just glanced down at me apathetically. "Actually, I would. I have no desire to go to a party tonight, let alone one at the dwelling of the stupid Pharaoh."

"Whyyyy?"

"Look, I just want to finish my book in peace," he said evenly, but sounding a bit irritated. "You go on though, I'm not stopping you."

"What have you got there, anyway?"

"The collected works of the Marquis de Sade. Want me to read you some?"

"That's okay…" I sighed. He shrugged and returned to the Sade, laughing randomly every few pages. The clock was ticking, but I really didn't feel like going to the party by myself. Sure, having friends there was nice, but without someone special to share it with, it really didn't feel like Christmas. As a child, I'd had to spend most Christmases by myself, and I knew I would be depressed and glum all night if Bakura wasn't there. Suddenly, an inspiration came to me.

"Hey, I'll give you a massage later if you come," I offered.

"Thanks, but I'm going to stay here."

"I'll cook you something yummy."

"That's fine, really."

"We can have sex once we get back."

"Sorry, no dice." He smirked at me maddeningly.

That bastard! Who did he think he was turning me down like that?

"This might be news to you, Bakura, but I happen to be in pretty high demand," I said peevishly.

"Never said you weren't."

Fine then. I'd show him. "Have it your way then. I'll go by myself," I said bitchily.

"Have a ball."

"I'll probably seduce Duke Devlin while I'm there," I added, hoping to get a rise out of my boyfriend.

"Say hi to him from me."

"And maybe when I'm done with him, I'll go after the Pharaoh," I continued.

"You're a free man."

"While I'm at it, I think I'll even do the nasty with Tea."

He wrinkled his nose in disgust. "You're a sick bastard, you know that?"

"Says the guy whose idea of a fun evening is the Marquis de Sade and a bottle of Bordeaux." He shrugged, without looking up from his book. I gave up. "Look, if you're not going, I'm not going. I just don't know why you have to be such a buzzkill."

He looked down at me, surprised. "Don't let me put a damper on your night. You are a free agent, you know." He offered me his glass of wine in consolation. I waved it away.

"I just don't know why you're being so difficult," I told him. "Would it kill you to just come with me for an hour or two?"

He took a moment to consider. _"Probably_ not. But I'm really much happier just staying here."

"Why?"

"The weather is hideous out there."

"You could put on a coat."

"I hate the Pharaoh."

"You wouldn't have to talk to him if you don't want to."

"I've had a whole bottle of wine; I'm not safe to drive."

"I am." Bakura glared at me, knowing he had run out of excuses. I sighed and crawled onto his lap, putting my arms around his neck. He looked at me suspiciously. He always pretended he didn't like snuggling, but I knew better. "Come on, I know you have some kind of block against going to Yugi's party. Why?"

He pinched my bottom, trying to get me off him. I yelped but didn't move. He heaved a groan. "Fine. I just don't like celebrating Christmas."

I stared at him, incredulous. "But why? Christmas is the best holiday there is! It's a magical time of the year! It has presents and cookies and Jesus! What more could you ask for?"

"Very tempting, I'll pass. Honestly, love, I'm not trying to ruin Christmas for you. It's just not my thing." He gave me a kiss on the forehead and patted my bum. "Run along now, have a good time. Don't get any STDs from Duke."

"You know I wasn't serious about that."

"Of course not, I'd kick his ass."

"I love it when you get jealous."

"I know you do." He gave me a nudge. "Seriously, go now. You'll make me feel guilty."

I folded my arms. "I told you already I'm not going without you. I just want to know why Christmas isn't your thing."

Bakura sighed irritably. "If you must know, I'm Jewish."

I stared at him. "Bullshit."

"What?"

"You're from Egypt. Egyptians worship Ra and stuff."

He rolled his eyes. "Ever heard of Exodus? We built the damn pyramids, for God's sake."

Wow, I'd totally forgotten about that. Suddenly a lot of things seemed to make sense. "Well, I guess that explains why Shaadi doesn't seem to like you."

"I think that might have more to do with the fact that I killed him."

I thought it over for a bit. I kind of felt like a bugger for trying to make him go to Yugi's now.

"Well, if you don't want to go to the party, I'll stay home and be Jewish with you!" I told him enthusiastically.

"….what?"

"Mazel tov for finally telling me, by the way!" I smiled encouragingly. "I think this calls for a drink."

"I shouldn't have said anything…" I heard him mutter as I skipped off.

I ran into the kitchen and fetched another bottle of wine. Screw the party, I'd just learned something new and unexpected about my boyfriend, I thought happily. I returned to the living room where Bakura was sitting, looking bewildered, and poured out a glass for each of us.

"L'chaim!"

"Oh my god," he said, massaging his forehead. "Please stop."

I smirked. "Or…?"

"Or I'll _make_ you stop." He was smiling now though. With an amused chuckle, he drew me onto his lap and pulled me closer.

His lips found mine. Within seconds, his tongue had invaded my mouth, and his hands were busy ripping open my shirt. Suddenly, I found myself pinned underneath him, our positions reversed.

"What would you do if I had been serious about Duke?" I murmured.

"Hmm? Oh, I don't know. Probably disembowel him…" He gently nipped at my neck. "…while he was still alive. Then I'd probably gouge out his eyes…" He ran a hand up my thigh. "…then I'd break his legs and leave him for the vultures to devour…"

Ooh, yummy.

Just then my cell phone rang. Talk about a buzzkill. Bakura groaned. I took a moment to compose myself, and then answered it.

"…Hello?"

"Ryou? Where on earth are you?"

"Oh, hi Pharaoh. I was just…"

"Everything okay? You said you'd be here two hours ago…"

Suddenly Bakura grabbed the phone from me.

"For your information, Pharaoh, Ryou's planning to stay home tonight. Don't bother us for another eight days."

"…what?" The Pharaoh sounded confused.

"Happy Hanukkah." Bakura hung up and tossed my phone into a far corner, laughing to himself before bending down to nuzzle at my neck, trailing hot kisses down my bare chest…

Oh yes. Happy Hanukkah indeed…



A/N: What did chu think?? I bet some brave souls saw it coming…Leave me a review and you'll make me super-special-uber-happy. (Seriously, my mom can tell when people have left me reviews because I'm so giddy.) So yeah. *bounces hopefully*

FYI, I know the time periods are a little messed up but I can do that because it's a fanfic. I kind of wanted to have Ryou start spouting Yiddish and really pissing Bakura off but I figured nobody would understand, lol. Also, if you don't know who the Marquis de Sade is, don't look him up and for God's sake don't read anything by him. I did once and my eyes started to bleed (figuratively). Anyway, we over here at Shantih productions hope you liked it, and l'chaim! *clinks glass*


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